Being that I am a mother of 4 children. Sometimes people come to me and ask for advice or ask me how I manage 4 children. Well, I have to admit, I try and incorporate a tiny bit of technique from some well known TV Moms.
A good mixture of Roseanne, Carol Brady, Clair Huxtable, and Edith Bunker never hurt anyone!
Roseanne always lives life one day at a time (no pun intended) and embarrasses her kids when needed. She doesn’t fret over grades like a maniac, she has low expectations for her kids and then when they over achieve she is super grateful. She is a parent with struggles and ups and downs just like all of us moms. She tries to instill in her children morals and expectations without coming out and saying thats what she is doing. One of my favorite episodes on Roseanne was when she dressed up in overall’s and had a huge red lipstick smile and was going to walk her kids to school like that. The fear of her doing this was enough to straighten them out right away. I remember when my mom and dad would threaten to come and sit in the back of my class at school, and how scared I was that they really would. Putting that touch of fear in a child over something like this, I believe is a good thing.
Kids tend to be more and more fearless these days and thats why they will do things right in public eye’s and could care less about who see’s and what wrong they are doing. They no longer seem to have that little angel sitting on one shoulder telling them to think about what they do before they do it. The devil is there and just tells them to go one and there is no one telling them otherwise until something terrible happens. This terrible has extreme’s. It can be from saying a swear word to committing crimes.
I am not saying I don’t set high goals for my children. I am just one of the kinds of parents who tells my kids, I would love to see straight A’s, but I am not going to kill you over a B, and maybe even a C. I think not putting the extra stress on a child helps them know, what I Wish and Hope for them, but if they do not reach that level, it will be okay. And you know what ?
My 2 children who are in school (one in 7th grade and the other in 5th) have BOTH been on honor roll during both report card periods this year. My 7th grader has gotten 1 B in his life, which totally astonishes me, but makes me very proud.
I try and be friendly with my kids, guide them, give them the skills they need to make it in life, and back away a little bit. All the while letting them know Each and Every Day how much I love them.
The Clair Huxtable in me comes out when I am upset. I love the line she uses in the one show where her daughter Vanessa wants to wear make-up and she tells Clair how “the other girls wear it”. Clair gets her “rolly” eyes out and her pointed finger and tell’s Vanessa, how she could care less what the other girls are doing and what their parents allow them to do, but that this is her house and as long as she is under her roof, she will not be wearing make -up until said age, I think it was 15.
I pull the “Clair” out when I need her, which isn’t a lot of the time, but I am glad she got my back. I try and be firm with my kids, let them know where I stand on issues such as dating, clothes they are allowed to wear, gadgets they are or aren’t allowed to have/get, and places they can go/movies they can see.
I refuse to do or allow anything that can compromise my children’s well being or safety. I don’t care how hard it is to follow if it means they won’t have a cell phone till they are 18, they won’t. Heck, I didn’t have no cell phone growing up, and I got into enough trouble without one. Sometimes I think all these gadgets enables the children of today and Tweens/Teens of today to get into more trouble. I proceed with caution in these area’s and if I see or hear anything that disturbs me, they are cut off completely.
I build trust with my children, and boy is it a disappointment when they let it crumble and fall. Even just 1 brick of trust that falls or gets a little chipped, it is a huge blow to me. When children lie it is hard to swallow. As parents we put soooo much effort into growing up upstanding children who won’t lie, who won’t steal, who won’t cheat, etc. and when peer pressure, or just them having a brain malfunction happens and they don’t be an upstanding person, WOW. I always let my kids know how much work it will take to build that back, even if it is just 1 brick, it is a Big one.
Edith Bunker- I love to be dippy with my kids. It isn’t unusual for me to sing like a crazy woman as I am cooking dinner. I like to keep my home fun. On a whim I will pull out crafts or a game or a movie and call my children to the living room or dining room to participate in it. I love my kids and want to enjoy them while they are young. I want to build many memories with them so they can look back and know how much I love them. I want them to laugh and have fun. And I want them to remember me as a sometimes zainy mom who they had fun with.
Another thing that is important in my home is family meal time. Edith mastered this as well. She always had a hot meal on the table, partly for Archie but also for Gloria and Mike. I try very hard to have EVERYONE in my family eat dinner together, around the dining room table every night. Sometimes we eat at 9PM but we are together and talking and eating together. It is interesting how much you can learn about your family and/or how your families day went from one meal.
And finally Mrs. Carol Brady. She is the one I turn to when I visit the kids school, any events, or out and about around people. She is laid back, loving, helps at school, and mature. Well, I can’t start singing like Edith at the PTO meeting, although I am sure the other moms would get a kick out of it (or perhaps kick me out and ban me). So I go to the school prepared to do whatever it takes to stay involved with that aspect of my kids lives. Parents are key to children learning and succeeding. Children NEED NEED NEED to know Parents care. Care about them, care about what they do/or don’t do, care about what friends they have, what activities they like, care about where they are, who they are with. EVERYTHING. If you are active in your child’s school and they see it, then I believe they will appreciate it and you. It also helps to throw a little Clair in there and let them think you have other PTO moms watching their every move, and also you have an “in” with the principal and that they will let you know ALL about your child and that if they do something to goof off, you will be there to nip it in the butt.
There are lots of great TV Moms who we can learn from and who through their character can help us real life moms get through with some laughter, tears, anger, and every other emotion out there. We as moms need this support and help in learning how to raise our children. Raising a child is no easy task, not one bit, so make the most of it, try your best, and be proud of what lovely children you have!
Beth Davis, Beth Davis, blogger of theplussizemommy.com, is a 34 year old Christian mommy of 4. She has been married to her husband for 13 years. She was also a Foster mommy to two adorable boys for a year. After a rewarding Child Care career working with Pre-K children, Beth decided to become a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) to raise her 4 children.